Forgive and forget.. those are words I have played over and over in my head since i was 10. Can you really forgive and forget heartache?, can you really forgive and forget abandonment? Can you forgive and forget betrayal? Or is it you may have forgave but you will never be able to forget. Since I was 8 I have had to have the strong bone and the strong personality when it came to me and my brother, I can remember the hands of my mothers boyfriend who was also my god father beat my brother for no reason. At a early age I had to be his protector and do what I had to do to get us out of the situation we were in. We came to live with my fathers sister when I was 9. It was the happiest time in my life so far because finally we felt safe, finally we felt loved. But with that safety came more heartache. My mother stopped coming to visit us, she disapeared off the face of the earth as I seen it. at a young age I didn't understand why.. why she chose this man over her own flesh and blood and with that I built up a wall and had to become stronger even more so than before. I had this tough exterior but inside i was dying. I have been through alot in my years some at a very early age but it has molded me into who I am today. I have recently reaquainted with my mother. And I am torn on how I feel. I have forgave her a long time ago. I had to in order to have peace within myself but I can't forget what I went through I cant forget that heartache I felt. I have lost close friendships I never would have thought I would have lost, I have experienced being in a abusive relationship, I have been cheated on and so forth all which has made me even stronger.
So my question to you is: Can you forgive & forget or can it only be one or the other?
7 comments:
In MY opinion....It's one or the other..(for the most part, I’m a forgiver but NEVER a forget-er) I’m Not the type that is going to throw whatever you may have done to me in your face (if I’m still dealing with you at all) but how is it earthly possible to forget?...Especially as an adult?
I agree. If I chose to forgive you then I wouldnt throw what you did in your face. I would express how i feel/felt and then leave it be. but I know I will never be able to forget. When you have been hurt and betreyed its hard to even forgive but once you find that place in your hear to forgive then you will be at peace with it. and leave it as it is what it is...
I think you can forgive and forget to the extent that you don't hold against the offender, what you claim to have forgiven them for. It's one thing to learn from past experiences and incorporating that into the decisions you make in the future. But the real kind of forgiveness is the kind spoken of in the Bible...after God forgives a trangression, he puts it as far as the sunset is from the sunrise...those two never meet again, so the point is, if you've forgiven it needs to be forgotten or you haven't really forgiven the person...
Rasheeda, reading your post gave food for thought! Are we saying "forget about it! it doesn't matter anymore" or... literally **POOF** erase all memories of what you've done from my head, that is nearly impossible! (at least for me)
Hmm interesting.. that is soo true. but its kinda one of those easier said than done things. where i have pretty much forgotten the betrayal i have endured with friendships and even past bad relationships but the one thing i cant seem to ever forget was my childhood past. and thats the one i know eats at me everyday even if I do not know it. whether its the decisions i make now or may it be my actions. and thats where I am torn.
things that make you go hummmm.....
I don't think you can really forget something that made an impact on your life. I have forgiven many people, but I don't think I will ever forget the things they have done. I don't hold those things against them, but the things they have done, are the lessons I need to remember in order to continually improve my life. If I completely forget the things that have been done to me, then what's to keep me from doing them over and over again. Completely forgetting leads to Insanity (Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results)...
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